All's fair in love and war!
by BlackGeneralNocturna
Summary: Before Ash goes to Alola he throws a party and invites all his travelling companions and some of his rivals. Everything goes to Hell when Serena declares she is Ash's girlfriend. And as an argument breaks out, someone unexpected sweeps him off his feet. Rated for bad language. WARNING- COMPLETE CRACK. Obviously characters may be OOC. Please try not to get offended XD


**Some of the characters seem a bit bratty but keep in mind this is all crack, its supposed to be random and take the piss. You shall see one of the only pairings I ship for Ash ;) I'm not bashing any characters here, I like Misty and Dawn I just needed some chaos for this idea XD**

 **God help us if I owned Pokémon, Ash would age but it wouldn't be kid friendly, that's for sure XD**

It had been going well so far, the meeting. Ash had thought it was a good idea for all his travelling companions to meet so he threw a party before he left for Alola. And he invited some of his rivals to come. Sadly Trip had refused to come and Gary hadn't turned up, and Alain was in another region. He was rather pleased though that May had brought Drew with her, who she had declared to be her boyfriend to the wannabe pokemon master's confusion.

For the most part, his travelling companions got along. May had met both Misty and Dawn on his travels so the trio were rather well acquainted. Brock and Cilan swapped cooking recipes and Iris was happily chatting to Serena and Clemont, Bonnie was excitedly talking to Max and they gushed about Pokémon, Max being old enough to start his journey on his next birthday and happily playing with Dedenne. Kenny and Paul were glaring at each other oddly enough but never mind that, and Barry was reciting advice to Sawyer extremely quickly, too quickly for the green haired boy to keep up.

It seemed peaceful enough anyway.

Then that happened.

"By the way," Serena started as she was chatting to Ash's other female travelling companions. "Has Ash told you?"

"Told us what?" May inquired leaning against Drew and yawning only half paying attention.

"I'm his girlfriend!"

And the Distortion World erupted.

"H-Hey! Ash!" Barry tugged a confused Ash out of the bathroom, Pikachu scampering after.

"What's wrong Barry?" he asked as the blond boy dragged him, holding onto his new hat with his free hand.

"The girls- They're acting weird!" he exclaimed as they went into the main room. To Ash's surprise Serena, Misty and Dawn were shouting at each other, May ignoring them in favour of kissing Drew, Cilan and Sawyer watching alarmed, Brock sweatdropping, Kenny and Clement with wide open mouths and Paul and Iris shaking their heads in disbelief. And Max and Bonnie were cheering them on.

They chose not to try separate the three girls and instead listened in.

"-Like Hell, look at you!" Serena exclaimed as she gestured at Misty's new outfit that seemed a mix between a jacket, shirt and swimming costume. "You look like a slut!"

"Its better than acting like one, bitch!" Misty hissed back, yanking Serena's hair.

Ash watched open mouthed, Barry gently shut it for him. Well, he never heard his first or last travelling companions using such language.

"A kiss means nothing, skank!" Dawn screeched as she jumped on Serena's back knocking her down.

"S-Should we stop them?" Kenny stammered as he looked to Paul, who shook his head.

"Never try to break up a cat fight. Especially if Dawn's in it. She gets a bit... catty..."

Brock sighed and tried to walk between the girls. "Ladies, ladies, enough fighting. I can think of the perfect solution..."

"Shut up Brock!"

"Shut up No-Eyes!" Brock subsequently went into the emo corner.

"You three are pathetic!" May declared glaring at the three girls. "Fighting over a guy, what are you like?"

"You bitch slapped that girl that was talking to me yesterday," Drew stated bluntly before silencing himself when he got a dark stare.

"Why are you three interested in such a little kid anyway?" Iris murmured from behind Cilan. She was using him as a shield in case they chucked things at her. And yes they did, Cilan squealed like a little girl as he was hit by a fishing rod, a poke ball (luckily Pachirisu was already out playing with Dedenne and Emolga) and a make up bag.

"Although I whacked him all the time I liked him!"

"He's cute!"

"He's my soul mate though we had met only once and I ditched my mum for him!"

Ash blinked. Wait were they arguing over him? THEY LIKED HIM? ... Well he had the feeling Serena did as she had kissed him but not a clue about Misty and Dawn as Misty had whacked him all the time with the mallet and he thought Dawn liked either Kenny or Paul (oh yes, that was why they were glaring at each other- they both liked her).

Well.. This was awkward. As all three were just really good friends... And he much preferred...

The argument was drowned out by a loud honk as a limousine parked up outside and Ash's eyes lit up. A few minutes later Gary Oak sauntered in, wearing shades and looking badass in his lab coat.

"Hiya Ashy-Boy!" Ash went starry eyed and Pikachu looked up at him confused.

"Oh hey Gary!" he chirped, instantly hopping over to chat to him. The girls stopped arguing and watched, confused. Everyone else echoed.

"Glad I made it, sorry the limousine had a flat so we were a little delayed," the newcomer said with a suave smile that made Ash giggle. Was he SWOONING?

"It's fine, not much was happening. The girls WERE trying to kill each other but that's over with now." Gary chuckled and Ash grinned then Gary winked.

"Come on Ash, let's blow this stand." His voice turned seductive. "We can have a Pokémon battle." The main character nodded eagerly and they ran out, the others staring blankly after them and Pikachu squeaking before legging it after them.

"Did Ash just choose battling over girls?!" Brock exclaimed as he looked out the window watching them get into the limousine.

"Did you kids not know?" Delia Ketchum piped up as she crawled out from under the table with a tray of cakes, where she had taken cover when the war broke out."Battling is just my son's second love." She winked and Serena, Misty and Dawn stared at each other.

"Eek I've been dumped!"

"Sheesh still obsessed with Gary after all this time..."

"Anyone else wondering how he's still 10?"


End file.
